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During pre-marital sessions, my friend’s husband requested that his bride-to-be work out two to three times a week as fitness is/was an important part of his life. She said it was a deal. During one of our family worship nights, my husband and I agreed that we would go grocery shopping together unless there was something urgent that we needed from the supermarket. We signed and sealed the deal. Hilary Duff’s husband, whose family is worth $500 million, requested a different kind of contract. Yep. A prenuptial agreement.

I don’t think that contracts in marriage are a bad thing. We actually abide by non-verbal (and sometimes verbal) contracts everyday. At work, we agree to dress professionally in exchange for a paycheck. In friendships, we agree to avoid violating trust in exchange for friendly concern and care. My husband and I haphazardly agreed that he will collect and take out the trash and I will do the laundry. It works for us, and it actually fosters peace in the househould. Thinking about this a little further, I would go so far to say that contracts are an absolute necessity in marriage or any working relationship. If not for them, where would our bounderies be?

I read an article recently that discussed the very first contracts that you sign in marriage – your wedding vows, the marriage license and the “invisible contract”. It mentioned that we all enter into marriage with the assumption that the other person understands the rulesin the way that WE want them to. But of course, since those assumptions are never discussed or written down, hence invisible, issues arise. When you feel hurt by something that your mate did, it’s because they’re not fulfilling the contract in the way that you expected them to. So what do you do? Well, the article suggests that you play The Marriage Contract Game. Now I can’t vouch for the game itself being that I never played it, but what I like about it is that it encourages communication. Isn’t that the answer to everything? Communication.

So I’m interested. What contracts, formal or informal, have you discussed? Do you think that contracts are too hevty?  Have you started to communicate your assumptions? And how about the all-controversial question, what do you think about prenups? I’d love to hear from you. Get at me!

jendayi