Etiquette Schmetiquette-Part II: What You Need to Know About Invitation Decorum

Last entry we discussed your Save the Dates, what they might look like and how to word them. Now that you’ve got them stamped and mailed, it’s time to cover the main rules of etiquette in invitation wording.

How Shall I Put This…Wording the Invitation

I am sure that you have already considered whether your wedding is going to be a more formal or informal affair. When selecting your invitations, it is important to remember that you are setting the tone for your event. If you sent out a more informal save the date, it is more than ok to send out a more formal invitation. Once you have selected the look of your invitations and decided formal verses informal, your wording will vary from specific rules for formal ones and a bit more creative leeway for casual affairs. Since formal weddings have more rules, we will focus on them.

For formal invitations:

• Names: All names, including middle names, should be written out in full. If space is an issue, then leave out the middle name. Initials should not be used unless it is part of the person’s legal name. This includes both the bride and groom as well as any additional people mentioned on the invitation such as parents. 
• Words: Spell out all words including the hour, date and year of the event (i.e. the twenty-sixth of August, Two Thousand and Ten). Exceptions to this rule include abbreviations for Mount (Mt.) or Saint (St.).
• Numerals: When referring to a successive namesake (i.e.-the third in a line of George Smiths), use Roman numerals as opposed to spelling it out. So, George Smith III.
• American vs. British Spellings: The British spelling of words such as “favour” and “honour” are preferred on formal invitations and are typically reserved for church weddings. Whereas  the American spelling of ”favor” or “honor” are used in more informal settings and when ceremonies do not take place in a church.
• Religious vs. Civil Ceremonies: Getting married in a religious ceremony? Then your invitation should read, “The honour of your presence is requested…” or “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honour of your presence…” For civil ceremonies, use “request the pleasure of your company” or “the pleasure of your company is requested”.
• Social Status: We don’t have enough room here to provide full wording samples. However, there are a few principles that you should follow. When the bride’s parents are sending out the invitation: “Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Elizabeth Ann to William David White…” then date, time, place, etc. When the engaged couple is issuing the invitation or the groom’s family is hosting: “Elizabeth Ann Jones and William David White request the honour of your presence at their marriage…” When both families are hosting: just add “Together with their families” before the previous wording. Or “Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones together with Mr. and Mrs. Anthony White request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children Elizabeth Ann Jones and William David White …” When the bride’s parents are divorced, remarried and co-hosting:  “Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Adams and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones…” In cases where the bride’s mother is remarried and hosting: “Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Adams request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Mrs. Adams’ daughter Elizabeth Ann…”.Where the bride’s widowed mother or father hosts: “Mr. (or Mrs.) Robert Jones…” 

I know the etiquette for wording wedding invitations can be overwhelming but attention to detail can make all the difference. With a little effort, you can circumvent sticky situations and avoid social disasters.

Next time, we’ll cover addressing envelopes as well as reception cards. If you have any specific questions, please present them to me in the comments section of this blog. I will then address each in my next entry. Until then…happy planning!